'Tis the season. Take a look out of your window and what do you see? Frantic faces, cheesy Christmas decorations and lights all over the place. And Xmas still almost a month away!

Of course, Xmas is the holiday of love ...*yuck*... Some might say it's the holiday of gifts and the obligatory cramp of finding and buying the right gifts without going bankrupt. I say, it's the holiday of awkward and tedious conversations with relatives and burning questions about your life.


These questions put an anime-like drop of sweat on my forehead. Life doesn't put enought pressure on you, oh no, there have to be people who put you into a state of irritation and confusion with their gnawing questions all of the time, especially on birthdays, Xmas and other celebrations! And no matter how often you see these people or how often you get these question, THEY ALWAYS COME BACK! Just for ONE Christmas season, I want to experience inner peace and non-existant scrutiny.

And if you're like me - a 20-something; somewhere between studying, finding a job and sleeping; and a master of constant procrastination - you start to ask yourself the same question: What am I doing with my life?

I just got my Bachelor's degree and continue to visit some courses, but overall, I'm an unemployed, lazy bastard like the ones "our kind" tends to make fun of. The problem is, I don't really know what comes next.
It's as if life was a jungle. And you're Tarzan. Well, I'm Tarzan, I mean look at dat bod'! You're ... Jane? One of the monkeys? Okay, you can be Tarzan, too... Anyway, you're Tarzan and the purpose of your life is to jump from liana to liana to get to the destination of your choice. Luckily, life gives you a selection of several lianas right after the other.
"Already able to talk and not shit your pants? Here, have a grade school liana! Done with 1+1 and all that stuff? Nice, what about these high school lianas? Wow, Mr./Ms. graduate is in da houze! Great, now here are a few options to choose from: maybe a university or some scholarships in between? Nice choice! Oh, what do we have here, you got a degree now, huh? Weeeeeell... Umm... Yeah. I'm out. Good luck, kiddo!"
And you don't wanna know where you'll find yourself when falling to the ground...

I could hang on to my current liana. I could cling on to my degree and try to jump to the big Master's tree. But right now, that tree is of no interest for me, yet. I WANT to comb through the jungle, see what's out there, try my best not to fall down.

I've sent out several applications, but the only positive response I received came from a rather uncommon career field. "Barrel-organ Klaus" contacted me and asked, if I wanted to be Santa this Christmas. Visiting families' homes, acting like the big, bearded, old fairytale man and warming children's hearts.

Guys... if you're reading this, you might as well know the other blog posts and my opinion about these crazy, little mofos. Children are the worst. And this Mr. Klaus wants ME to be their entertainer this year?
So yeah, I'm Santa Claus, signed a contract and all... I mean, I get paid for it, so why not, right?

It seems like I have to visit 4-5 families on Christmas Eve. I WILL have difficulties not to drown myself in glühwein right before the meetings (the contract states that I am not allowed to work under the influence. urgh), I WILL have difficulties to stay in character and I WILL have difficulties not to crush some children's dreams.
Something in me really wants to, though...
Oh, just the thought of angry parents, crying boys and girls, a ruined holiday and several years of costly therapy brings a smile to my face :)
What a shame that I have to act all normal and orderly to get the money... Oh well. Maybe some other time...

And now on National Geragraphic: "Adventures with Max"!

Welcome to "Adventures with Max" - the show where we journey through the streets of Gera to discover and observe rare and unusual wild life! I'm your host Max 'Bearhugger' Wachsmann.

On this week's episode of Adventures with Max, I show you a particularly special being that is shrouded in legend and undocumented - UNTIL NOW!
The weirdus galus psychonensis - also known as the "Gabi"

Rarely out on the street, the Gabi is said to usually camouflage amongst a small group of weirdos and hippies (in this case: shroomies). Since these cliques were nowhere to be found at that time, the Gabi seemed to feel pressured to get out alone and venture out on a walk within the community of us "normal people".

As you can see in Pict.1, the Gabi was utterly surprised to see me. Mainly, because I did not break eye contact with her. I was so intrigued by her coincidental sight that I wanted to take the chance and get near her. My main target was the supermarket behind her, but who can resist the temptation of documenting the behaviour of such an abstract figure?

The Gabi's appearance was of remarkable peculiarity as one can imagine.
Her brown fur (hair) looked messy and scruffy. Some experts say, Gabies shorten their own hair to prevent excessive sweating and overheating in the summer. In this case, the Gabi's hair showed signs of rough cutting with a blunt blade, an axe, or a chainsaw.
The Gabi wore no shoes, a short pair of pants and a loose-fitting tank top which still displayed her ribcage. In her hand she held a small, orange bucket with uncertain content. I tried to identify what was in it, but I couldn't get a look at the inside of the bucket. It might have revealed something - her goals, her conditions, her purpose... But I guess all the information about her background will never be known.
Apart from her excited look and a psychotic, strained grin, the Gabi's face had two further interesting features: an inflamed eyebrow piercing and a missing tooth. The latter contributed to her shaggy look.

Usually very shy, the Gabi talked to me when I walked past her. Really, SHE TALKED! There is no record of the Gabi's ability to talk! I felt very lucky to be the first person to document this outcome.
What I understood was: "You seem like a nice person. You smiled at me. Isn't it a lovely day to chat with someone?"

Here is a video of the Gabi walking by my side:

Still, I was not able to look inside the bucket. A shame, really.

Then I suddenly had the urge to get away from her. The look on her face, the fact that she was so open and talktative and the sudden setting were too much, even for an adventurer like me.
I wanted to continue my shopping spree and avoid further contact with the Gabi. Who knows which diseases I could catch from a member of the weirdus galus family? She noticed my impulse and uttered "You're in a hurry, huh?"
When I obviously aimed at a different path, the Gabi finally left with the words that still ring in my head:
"The clouds, think about the clouds! One is laughing, the other one is not!"

What did she mean by that? Is it a code? Can the Gabi see the future? Maybe one needs to distance himself or herself from what sounds like complete nonsense. But maybe we should all worship the twisted mind behind these glassy, twitching eyes and think about laughing and non-laughing clouds...
This was Adventures with Max with your host Max 'Bearhugger' Wachsmann!
Tune in next time to find out more about more about Steve, the entrepreneurial pedophile with a glass eye!








(MASH-UP ALAAAARM!!!:)

I've just finished watching the first season of "The Mindy Project" within the last 3 or 4 days (It's funny and entertaining like New Girl, but not as in-your-face-quirky - LOVE IT!) and by closing the tab that I streamed the show with, I regained consciousness over my current situation.
It's 4 p.m. on a Saturday, I'm lying in my bed in a rather uncomfortable position in order to type this (and to play a stupid minigame on Facebook), regretting the amount of food I ate within the last 3 hours and wearing nothing but some shorts and a dirty t-shirt. I have nothing better to do right now and I've got nothing planned for the evening. Maybe drinking a glass of wine. Alone. Or a bottle. Still alone and with the risk of drunk-texting a friend, my future husband or my ex.

I'm a pathetic human being.
I should get a grip and do something. Yeah, I should do something and be productive! Even if it's just by making another blog post! HECK YEAH!

So what I need right now is a role model. I already established that I'm a pathetic human being. That means, I need the complete opposite. A badass non-human being!
And I think I just found the one....

THE DOLPHIN!

Everyone knows dolphins as these beautiful, graceful animals or as "gay sharks" but these dudes are some badass mofos, trust me!

First of all: all of them have "blowholes". I mean, how awesome is that? Humans would be so much cooler if they had something called blowholes, that's for sure...

And dolphins hate babies. So much, in fact, that they kill them. On a regular basis. For several reasons, one of them being "just for fun".
Yeah, that's right. When female dolphins give birth, they are not interested in mating for a short period of time. Because, well, they gotta take care of dem babies, you know? Male dolphins know this - and so they kill their own offspring so that the female dolphins are in "the mood" again.
They also kill babies from other marine creatures, for example baby sharks. And as already stated, scientists have found out that dolphins enjoy brutally murdering other animals. Dolphins are complete sociopaths!
Buuuut... I guess I'm on their side when it comes to being against babies in general. Gotta respect an anti-baby-bro!
Let's not forget their special abilities.
Dolphins can leap up to 30 feet in the air when jumping out of the water. I can't even jump high enough to get to all the dust on top of my closet!
They can consume up to 30 pounds of fish per day (Sounds like a Tuesday to me, amiright?!?!?) and do so by surrounding a couple of fish as a team. They do what is necessary to get the food for the pod members - jumps, zig zag patterns, circles... I imagine them as the cool kids in Grease with their finger snapping, looking like the ultimate bullies...
Their hearing ability is 10x better than our hearing ability + they use echolocation to communicate in the water by identifying sound waves. How cool would it be to send some thoughts through the air just by thinking about it? All those calories you burn with speaking? Keep'em as fat on your hips and send that shit via sound waves!

And the last and definitely the coolest thing about dolphins is that we now know that some of them are serious drug addicts! (See: Spy in the Pod, a series produced for BBC One by the award-winning wildlife documentary producer John Downer).
Dolphins 'deliberately get high' on puffer fish nerve toxins by carefully chewing and passing them around! The toxins have a narcotic effect and the dolphins appear to have worked out how to make the fish release just the right amount. They are the stoners of the animal kingdom!
Dolphins are freakin' awesome.
They combine extreme cuteness with unexpected dangerousness. The PERFECT combination, if you ask me.
Sure, pandas are even more awesome, but on a scale of 1 to panda, dolphins are a solid 8!

And check this out: I just finished this blog post! Thanks, dolphins, you rock!
And next time you think you're too quiet, lazy or just lame:
BE A DOLPHIN!












Terry Poison - Man after Man
The vocals seem a bit off at the beginning, but the more you listen to it, the more it grows on you. Extremely addicitve and the essence of alternative music!




Again, for more music, head over to my ->tumblr and follow me there! :]

That's it for now...
Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

Hey Y'all, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

I haven't done a blog post in a looong time (at least it feels like an eternity to me), but now I finally found a few minutes of silence, solitude and peace to get back to blogging.
In the meantime, I've done many things, met new people and was asked (or forced) to do stuff I never did before. It's been a learning process of some sort and apart from essential and practical skills, I learned a handful of abilities and lifehacks that make my life easier. Here are a few of them:


Smalltalk
I've been working with Parkinson patients for a linguistic/neurological study for two weeks now. More or less 8 hours a day. This, of course, includes talking to the patients, making sure they're alright, interacting with them and in the long run, maybe even bond with them a little bit.
As you may know, I hate people.
Like, almost all of them. Strangers are the worst. Old people - don't even get me started.

Over the course of the last 2 weeks, I've acquired the knowledge and the social skills to be on one level with the seniors when it comes to smalltalk. I get their worries, I get their hopes, I get what happens in their life, I get THEM.
Admittedly, all they really wanna talk about is the good/bad weather and their diseases, but hey. Cut me some slack! I deserve some credit for dealing with them - given that I'm the ultimate misanthrope!

Freezing
For some reason, I always wore t-shirts at work. That was a big mistake, because dem sunny days still felt far gone and the temperatures were like "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman..." - only with "winter" and "spring".
But the cold didn't bother me at all. I then realized, that I'm totally down with being cold and definitely prefer freezing over sweating like a pig. Good thing I don't own any other casual clothing for my upper body except for t-shirts.

One time, one of the older patients pointed out my pointy nipples. (MY EYES ARE UP HERE, LADY!)
After that, I noticed that there was not one time that my nipples were flat like they should be. Always poking through my shirt, checking out what's going on in this world.
*BING, here we are! What's up world? Nice, chilly weather, heh? Haha we are nipples*

Honestly, my nips could cut glass when I'm freezing!

Footwork
I may have the most unpractical, boxy and bulky flesh-props for feet (I can't even pick up a pen with them ._.'') but I learned to do everyday tasks with them instead of using my hands. Really convenient if you got no hand left due to holding the munchies stock.

Closing/opening doors? No problem.
Reaching for that book on that table because you're too lazy to get out of your cozy bed? Done.
Balancing a glass of water (Let's just call it "water", ok?) because it threatens to fall over and wet your bed (I've been spending a lot of time in my bed, lately, hm?) ? You got it.


Looking better in photos
Let's be honest: There's no such thing as justice and equal chances when it comes to looking good. Some are luckier than others, some just look busted all the time. But there is something you could call "internet pretty".
You may not be oozing beauty and attractiveness in real life, but once you know your angles, find the light and work the camera, you got yourself a pic that you look half-decent on.
And that's what I mastered.
My face doesn't know what symmetry is, my skin is bad, my teeth aren't straight and my hair has the mood swings of a 13-year-old.
But give me a few minutes, a smart phone and maybe access to some image editing program et voilà:
I look like a normal human being! In the best case maaaaybe even a tad handsome. But only a tad.



Just print out a pic of me before we meet and staple it to my face if you wanna spends some time with me.
That should do the trick!



Apropos "trick", here comes the last and most important ability that I've acquired:
Tricking people into thinking that I can draw
Yes, I put a lot of work into these stupid little comics. And yes, they somehow support the blog posts and you can fairly recognize what it is that I drew. But my drawing skills are those of an 8th grader.

As the attentive reader that you are, you know that I wanted to be a painter when I grow up. Unfortunately, I came off the art track and slithered on the let's-just-study-something-and-see-how-it-goes track.

I have some understanding of perspective, color coordination and realism. But give me a task like "Max, draw a tiger for me! One that is running a bit towards you with an open mouth!" and all you get is a kindergarten-y cat with an angry looking smiley on it.
It's the little things that make a difference.
I may not have accomplished much in the last few weeks, but these abilities are worth something, right?
Right?
Right.

Baby steps, Max, baby steps...






 









There are sooooo many tracks that need to be shared, but it would go beyond the scope right now...
Just check out -> maximiwax.tumblr.com and follow me there to get regular updates and music posts!

Please comment below if you want more music-based content with a bit more depth or just a blog post like this one! I'd really appreciate it :)

Enjoy the week and welcome the sun!
Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

That's it for now, guys!
Don't forget to use the comment section! It's there for a reason ;)

Greetings
~Maximiwax'*

*ring ring*
Hello, this is "Cupido - there to help your libido!" How can I help you?

I don't always have dates.
but when I do, they are an utter failure.

I overcame my fear of *urgh* getting to know people and met a guy in the city I'm studying in, and it turned out to be a disaster. Not only did the evening lack any kind of chemistry between us, but that dude also had the nerves to make me feel like an ugly, inferior dumbass.
If you're reading this: Go fuck a cactus :)

But the open-minded, joyous and wannabe-social person that I am, I tried to conversate with this lil' dipshit in a neutral, sustainable manner. And then I remembered a technique I've been using for the last couple'o'years to keep a conversation alive that I don't wanna have in the first place or where it is unavoidable to zone out.

The "Malcolm in the Middle - Method"!
I'm not sure in what kind of context the show addressed this method, which episode it was or who of the characters actually used it. I think it was the little one. But I know that it was this very show that introduced me to the idea of rephrasing / reusing words of the person concerned and turning them into a question.
It goes like this: